A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a
pair of real alligator shoes in the worst way, but she didn't want to
pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very
frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the
blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I
can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By
all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big
one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on
catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is
driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the
water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator
swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a
great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were
several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.
Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated,
shouts out, "Darn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
BLIND DATE JOKE
A young blonde secretary was describing her blind date to a friend.
"After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I refused.
I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like that."
"That was smart," her friend said, approvingly. "Then what happened?"
"He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said.
"You didn't weaken your resolve, did you?" asked the friend.
"Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let his mother worry."
BLONDE CAR ACCIDENT JOKE
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
BLONDE POLICEWOMEN JOKE
A blonde was speeding in a 25 mile per hour residental zone when a local
police cruiser pulled her over.
The female police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a
blonde.
She asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally
said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look
like?'
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "Don't be a smartass!, it's got your
picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a
small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's
license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and
said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer
too, we could have avoided all of this."
BREATHING BLONDE JOKE
A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her
head.
"I need to take that walkman off your head," says the beauty specialist
as she notices the blonde.
"You can't! I'll die!" retorts the blonde.
"I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!" says the beauty
specialist getting annoyed.
"I said you can't take it off, or I'll die!"
The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and
throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies.
When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it
repeating "breath in, breath out, breath in".
CAR TROUBLE JOKE
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open,
but they just couldn't! The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a
moment to catch her breath. The other blonde said anxiously, "Hurry up!
It's starting to rain and the top is down."
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